Kucing Gatal Speaks

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Dummies Guide to Blog Wars

I've been observing the ongoing blog war with interest. Famous bloggers (and not-so-famous yet) have jumped into the fray and escalated the issue to a ridiculous level.

A calm, rational approach would have put the issue to rest, but instead, the bloggers resorted to name-calling, outright condemnation and childish taunts. I must admit I don't know when or how it all got started, but really, it seems to have spread like wildfire. After all, it's fun watching a fight, especially one that escalates into a free-for-all, and knowing Malaysians' penchant for gawking from the sidelines, the growing number of commentators and observers is only natural.

Obviously some tensions have been simmering under the surface for some time, and all that was needed was a tiny spark (an offhand remark for example) to bring it all out into the open. And now the lines are drawn and some bloggers appear to be sworn enemies. The next PPS bash should be interesting ...

In the blogging world, you are bound to step on some toes. Not everyone will agree with your views, but there's no need to get your hackles up over this - just agree to disagree. And you're bound to come across some blogs that you loathe instantly, but there's no need to keep reading it and posting nasty comments. After all, if you go into a restaurant and hate the food and the service, I doubt you'll keep returning and bitch about the food each and every time - you'd probably just avoid the place once and for all.

For those simple-minded folk, let me share my opinion in terms you can understand:

Waffor you all want to fight-fight one? No use, you know. One feller say something, you condemn, then he condemn balik, then you condemn balik. Then you all look like chewren in a playground only, or politicians in Parlimen on a bad day. No need to get stressed out, simply cut your life short only. Some more you don't know if the blogger is your mummy or your char kway teow seller - one day you find out, then malu only (or worse, your char kway teow kena poison or your mummy marries you off to some ah pek pimp for revenge). So no point fighting, ok?

However, for those who insist on being juveniles, here are some guidelines for starting a blog war.

(1) Surf the net for famous Malaysian/Singaporean blogs. If you want to get noticed, leave comments on popular blogs. Being a troll/flamer on an unknown blog is a waste of time.

(2) Pick a topic close to your heart. For example, if you're passionate about saving the environment, and a famous blogger writes about chopping down an old tree in his backyard, quickly post a comment condemning him, his wife/girlfriend, his family, his entire neighbourhood and the government for good measure. Make sure you make sweeping generalisations about how he is stupid and ignorant and likely to be the cause of an environmental disaster.

(3) Check back to see if he/she has responded to your comment. If he/she has, then fire back with another nasty comment. If he/she hasn't, leave a comment about how cowardly they are.

(4) Condemn him/her in your own blog and then ping PPS so that more people will be aware about it. The more readers you have, the more chances of finding people who are willing to join in the fight and take your side.

(5) If anyone dares to leave a negative comment on your blog, condemn them too. Go to their blog and start flaming them there too. If you can, moderate your comments and remove the negative ones. This will give the impression that all your readers love you and agree with you.

(6) Keep hounding the issue until journalists start taking notice and request an interview. Hey presto! You're now a famous blogger.

(7) Blog about how your comments were completely misunderstood and how you were only trying to save the world, and how the fellow chopping down the tree over-reacted and was irrational - this will spark off Blog War #2.

(8) Repeat until satisfied.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a peaceful Meow.

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