Speaking with a fake accent

I had a meeting with a unique customer today. As she entered the office, the smell of perfume was nearly overpowering. She swished her long blond-dyed hair over her shoulders as she came up to me, and shook my hand firmly while introducing herself. I took a quick glance at her apparel - tight white shirt with the top two buttons unbuttoned, offering a clear view of her ample cleavage, and a tight black skirt. She walked confidently on a pair of impossibly-high heels. The overall impression I got was that of a poised, confident, slightly slutty businesswoman, the kind that most men salivate after. As I ushered her into the meeting room, I noticed a few male colleagues' heads popping above their cubicle partitions to catch a glimpse of the "cun customer".

As the meeting progressed, I discovered something else about this "cun customer". She talked like she was from another country. America, to be precise.

Me: Have you confirmed the details for the project?
She: Yes, I asked my boss and his answer was that we need to make several changes, blah blah blah.
(Asked pronounced assed; answer pronounced enser)

Me: We've ordered the component RZ from the supplier.
She: That's great! How many RZs will we need in total?
(Z pronounced Zee)

By this time my curiosity was piqued. As Malaysians, we love making small talk so I decided to kill two birds with one stone - chit chat with her to build relationship, and dig out info about her background.

Me: Are you returning straight to Penang or going to travel some more this week?
She: Oh, I'll be in KL until tomorrow, then back to Penang.
Me: I see. You have plans already for today?
She: Yeah, I'm meeting up with some friends, we're going dancing tonight.
(Dancing pronounced densing)
Me: That sounds fun. So do you travel a lot?
She: Yeah, that's the great part about my job! I've been all over Malaysia.
Me: Oh, how about overseas?
She: You know, so far I've never been abroad, only travelled within Malaysia. But next year I plan to go to Thailand!
Me: Oh, so you've never been to other countries like the US?
(seeking confirmation lah!)
She: Nope, never.

So basically, I was dealing with some sort of mat salleh celup who had never set foot outside the country but who spoke like an American. I don't get it, how can you speak in a foreign accent if you've lived in Malaysia all your life? I also have watched MTV and countless American movies, but I don't speak with a twang.

It's a trend I notice with some young Malaysians. Dressing up in Western clothes is one thing, but speaking like a foreigner? Come on lah, who are you trying to impress? It sounds stupid, and you look stupid. Why is it that Malaysians who live overseas can maintain their Malaysian style of talking, when you, who have never stepped foot beyond our borders, pick up an accent from nowhere?

I notice Malaysian children who were born or have lived overseas for a long time tend to speak in whatever way their fellow countrymen do. I don't think there's anything wrong with this because they would have spent years surrounded by foreigners, and naturally adapted to their new surroundings. But why is it that the mat salleh kids who come here, and study here and all that, still speak like mat sallehs? Very few actually talk like Malaysians. Is it because the Malaysian way of speaking is harder to pick up than the mat salleh way?

Or do some of us feel ashamed of our heritage and drop the Malaysian way of talking as soon as we leave the country, and in cases like the "cun customer", even while we are still in the country?

I just don't get it.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a 100% Malaysian Meow.