He wants to dump her cos she smokes
Dear Kucing Gatal,
My boyfriend recently found out I smoke and has threatened to dump me unless I quit. He hates women smokers. For 6 months I managed to hide the truth from him but he finally found out after I left a pack on my coffee table and he dropped in unexpectedly. I've tried to quit smoking but each time I meet up with my friends, they all start puffing away and I cannot resist the temptation, and if I say no, they will urge me until I join them. I love my boyfriend very much but can't say no to cigarettes. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Puffy
Kucing Gatal says:
Dear Puffy,
I'm sure you know the dangers of smoking so I won't bore you with the obvious health hazards (if you're ignorant about this I suggest you read this). If you're not bothered about lung cancer and heart attacks, you may be interested to know that smoking causes facial wrinkles. Yes, that's right, you may be blessed with a pretty face now, but keep on lighting up and soon you'll look years older and have wrinkles to deal with. Then you'll really have trouble holding on to your boyfriend. Wrinkles are forever - and they seem to multiply overnight!
Seems to me that women smokers are on the rise in Malaysia. Walk around the KLCC fountain and you're bound to see a number of ladies sitting at the cafes, casually puffing away, trying to look cool. Personally, I don't get it. It's already so hot in Malaysia, and these ladies don't look like they're under any stress, so why smoke? Some guys find it sexy, maybe that's why. Other guys find it a complete turn-off. Obviously your boyfriend is in this category.
(Time for Kucing to shut up and stop being judgmental about smoking)
Now, for him to give you an ultimatum like that is a bit unfair. He should be more supportive. Has he tried helping you quit, since he found out? Or have you been lying all this while and told him you don't smoke at all? If you've openly said you don't smoke, then he has a right to be pissed off. If you've got a decent bloke on your hands, he will try to help you quit and support you throughout the process rather than use it as an excuse to dump you. If he really cares about you, he'll go through it with you. I myself don't like smoking/smokers but if my boyfriend were to suddenly start smoking, I wouldn't use that as an excuse to dump him, unless I've tried to help him quit and he refuses to.
All said and done, I would advise you to stop smoking because you want to, not just because someone else is urging you. It's only when it comes from within you that you'll have the discipline to follow through. You must have the initiative to do so, otherwise when your friends offer you a stick, you're unlikely to have much willpower to hold out. I hope for your sake that you're able to be strong and do this.
Another piece of advice I can give you is this: if your friends know you're trying to quit and still urge you to smoke, consider getting a new bunch of friends cos obviously these ones don't have your best interests at heart.
Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal
I'm a non-smoker so I don't know exactly how hard it is to quit. Any of you who've been through the experience, your comments and advice are most welcome. Please help Puffy out.
Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anti-smoking Meow.
My boyfriend recently found out I smoke and has threatened to dump me unless I quit. He hates women smokers. For 6 months I managed to hide the truth from him but he finally found out after I left a pack on my coffee table and he dropped in unexpectedly. I've tried to quit smoking but each time I meet up with my friends, they all start puffing away and I cannot resist the temptation, and if I say no, they will urge me until I join them. I love my boyfriend very much but can't say no to cigarettes. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Puffy
Kucing Gatal says:
Dear Puffy,
I'm sure you know the dangers of smoking so I won't bore you with the obvious health hazards (if you're ignorant about this I suggest you read this). If you're not bothered about lung cancer and heart attacks, you may be interested to know that smoking causes facial wrinkles. Yes, that's right, you may be blessed with a pretty face now, but keep on lighting up and soon you'll look years older and have wrinkles to deal with. Then you'll really have trouble holding on to your boyfriend. Wrinkles are forever - and they seem to multiply overnight!
Seems to me that women smokers are on the rise in Malaysia. Walk around the KLCC fountain and you're bound to see a number of ladies sitting at the cafes, casually puffing away, trying to look cool. Personally, I don't get it. It's already so hot in Malaysia, and these ladies don't look like they're under any stress, so why smoke? Some guys find it sexy, maybe that's why. Other guys find it a complete turn-off. Obviously your boyfriend is in this category.
(Time for Kucing to shut up and stop being judgmental about smoking)
Now, for him to give you an ultimatum like that is a bit unfair. He should be more supportive. Has he tried helping you quit, since he found out? Or have you been lying all this while and told him you don't smoke at all? If you've openly said you don't smoke, then he has a right to be pissed off. If you've got a decent bloke on your hands, he will try to help you quit and support you throughout the process rather than use it as an excuse to dump you. If he really cares about you, he'll go through it with you. I myself don't like smoking/smokers but if my boyfriend were to suddenly start smoking, I wouldn't use that as an excuse to dump him, unless I've tried to help him quit and he refuses to.
All said and done, I would advise you to stop smoking because you want to, not just because someone else is urging you. It's only when it comes from within you that you'll have the discipline to follow through. You must have the initiative to do so, otherwise when your friends offer you a stick, you're unlikely to have much willpower to hold out. I hope for your sake that you're able to be strong and do this.
Another piece of advice I can give you is this: if your friends know you're trying to quit and still urge you to smoke, consider getting a new bunch of friends cos obviously these ones don't have your best interests at heart.
Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal
I'm a non-smoker so I don't know exactly how hard it is to quit. Any of you who've been through the experience, your comments and advice are most welcome. Please help Puffy out.
Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anti-smoking Meow.
posted by Kucing Gatal at
2:15 PM
6 Comments:
yep. shud quit if u really want to. regardless of the obvious reasons why u shud not smoke, quitting for the sake of conforming to one's demands just ain't right. hehe.
By
Khalid Raffali, at July 12, 2005 2:37 PM
Dear Kucing Gatal,
I am starting a social awareness campaign. pls support it. its a non profitable org. for more info, visit my blog.
cheers!
By
In Technicolor, at July 12, 2005 4:20 PM
I was a smoker. Quite 10+ years ago! No I am no dinasour, darnit! :-) It seems that your so call friend ain't helping much??
To quit? Simple. Do it cold turkey! Why? Becos its the only way and you really truly love the people around you and yourself!
By
Anonymous, at July 12, 2005 5:12 PM
Argh!! Now I know why I smoked, no spell checkers!#$%^ :-)
By
Anonymous, at July 12, 2005 5:18 PM
o yea...i used to smoke a pack a day when in college but i always told myself that it was a passing phrase n i'm glad to note that that pychology stunt worked. i could stop whenever i wanted to n if i felt that i needed to take a puff now, i could. n if old friends offered me a stick, its not a problem to say no.
#1. i think he knows that she smokes because smokers can NEVER hide their stinky breath. trust me, coming from a once heavy smoker n now a non, there is no escape from the stench. a whole kotak of clorex wouldnt help much. so maybe she curi2 n he found out.
#2. he's making up a good excuse to dump her. n the reason came up at the perfect time. n he obviously knows abt her being addicted to smoking.
so, puffy - its really up to u. quiting smoking for someone will not work for long term because when u bump into a problem or worst case scenario, u break up, the effects will be worst n u will be MORE hooked on it. quit for YOURSELF n your health. or at least for the ppl around u. they wanna live longer too coz secondary smokers are also exposed to lung cancer. another worst case scenario, why burden ur family with ur health problems? tak kesian ker tengok mak bapak dok menangis sampai terkeluaq biji mata pasal tengok u sakit?
when u get sick, not only u hurt, the ppl who love u will also be hurt. ;)
By
Anonymous, at July 12, 2005 5:32 PM
Kucing writes : Seems to me that women smokers are on the rise in Malaysia. Walk around the KLCC fountain and you're bound to see a number of ladies sitting at the cafes, casually puffing away, trying to look cool. Personally, I don't get it. It's already so hot in Malaysia, and these ladies don't look like they're under any stress, so why smoke?
I couldnt agree more... sometimes they just do it cause it looks cool... and yes! i have lots of friends that smokes just because they wanted to look cool and all during school days... though i think now cool is not their agenda as they are hooked to it...
By
Digitalite, at July 14, 2005 2:09 PM
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