Kucing Gatal Speaks

Friday, July 01, 2005

Would You Let Your Partner Read Your Emails?

My very first Agony Aunt/Makcik Derita letter. I don't promise to solve your problem, but I hope to dish out some sound advice based on experience, intuition and plain old good luck.

Dear Kucing Gatal,

I am 23 years old and just found myself a girlfriend. This is the first girlfriend in my life. I have a lot of gal pals but until now no one wanted to go steady with me. Then my friend set me up on a blind date and we hit it off straight away. The problem is, this girl has started becoming possessive and jealous of my friendships with my gal pals. Everytime I'm on the phone with one of them, she wants to know who it is, and when I finish the conversation, she wants to know exactly what was said. Now she's demanding that I give her my email password so that she can read my emails. She said she trusts me but she just wants some reassurance that I'm not cheating on her. Kucing Gatal, I swear I am innocent, I never flirt with any of my gal pals, but at the same time I want my girlfriend to trust me completely, and I don't want to have to give her my password, for my privacy. She is a very nice girl, this is the only problem I am having with her. I'm afraid if I don't give her my password, she will break up with me. What should I do?


Kucing Gatal says:
Dear LF,

Congratulations on getting yourself a partner! It's good to hear that she's a nice girl. Now, this email issue is not something new. I've heard from quite a number of people that their partners either want their passwords or have actually hacked into their accounts. In some cases, these couples broke up because of unfaithfulness, and there was one case where the guy dumped the girl because he found out she had been posting up nude pics of herself on the Net, yet wouldn't sleep with him!

Kucing Gatal is very clear on this issue: an email account is private and confidential. I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't want you opening her letters and reading them, right? Same thing. Reading someone's emails without permission is bad enough, but harrassing your partner into revealing their password is even worse. Jealousy is a bad trait that exists in most people; while most have it under control, there are those who see green even when there's nothing to be jealous about. If your girlfriend is jealous now, she's going to be jealous 10 years down the road. Are you willing to give in to her every time she asks you to prove your innocence?

I don't know what excuse you've been giving your girlfriend so far, as I assume you have not revealed your password yet. If you want to hold on to this relationship, and avoid a fight, Kucing Gatal advises you to quickly set up a new mail account, transfer your most private and confidential mails to this account, and leave the junk mails and mails you don't mind her reading in the original account. Then give her the password of the original account. Make sure you check your email as often as possible and keep transferring whenever needed. Best to advise your friends about this, unless they are mutual friends with your girlfriend, in which case you better keep your mouth shut.

Also, you can be a man and tell your girlfriend off if she keeps bugging you about your gal pals. Do this rarely though, so that she fears your unpredictable reaction and is unlikely to nag you often.

Kucing Gatal knows of men who have ditched their gal pals just because their girlfriends were jealous - these men are spineless and "queen controlled". What happens when the couple breaks up? The man finds himself a few friends short. Remember, girlfriends come and go, but friends are forever.

If Kucing Gatal were in your position, she would probably break off the relationship - the mental torture is just likely to get worse.

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

Phew! Got quite carried away for a bit there. I can dish out even more advice, but LF would probably fall asleep halfway through reading it. What do you think, readers? Did I give out the right advice? Maybe you have some similar experience to share? All comments welcome!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a sage Meow.


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