Kucing Gatal Speaks

Thursday, August 18, 2005

De Bastard: Part 3

I should have been angry with De Bastard for flirting with me, but instead I was secretly thrilled that he was showering attention on me. I should have been angry since he knew I was in a stable relationship, but I couldn't bring myself to berate him. I should have dismissed his attentions, but I welcomed them instead. Stupid, stupid me.

De Bastard and I grew closer during the two weeks J was away. J called me every day as he had promised, and I still missed him terribly, but De Bastard had broken down my defenses and wormed his way into my heart. We met up every couple of days or so, sometimes without M. I was no longer immune to his charms, and even flirted with him whenever the opportunity arose.

At night, lying in bed, I would look at J's photo and be consumed with guilt. How quickly I had let De Bastard into my life, I thought. Here I was, madly in love with one guy, yet eager to be with another. Perhaps it was because J had been away so much lately, and I hadn't been getting the attention I craved, which was disastrous since I am an attention whore. But I chided myself for trying to blame J. I tried to blame De Bastard, but ultimately realised that there was no one else at fault except me. Although of course De Bastard was a bastard, there's no denying that. And he should have stayed away from me.

M suspected something was going on and confronted me. "Kucing, are you interested in De Bastard?" she asked bluntly. "No lah, of course not, how can you ask me that? By the way have you read today's papers? Did you read about that murder?" I babbled, eager to change the subject.

But M was having none of it. "I know you very well, and I know there's something going on. De Bastard told me that sometimes the two of you go out together. What's up, Kucing?"

I considered denying everything. But I knew M would continue suspecting something, so I decided to come clean. "OK, it's true. Whenever I meet De Bastard, something happens to me. I get quivery inside, and I like the way he flirts with me. But I swear nothing physical has happened," I told her.

"You stupid cow!" M shrieked. "How can you do this, Kucing?! I told you he is a buaya, you should stay away from him. I'm going to kill him," she ranted.

I winced. "M, don't tell him anything. He doesn't know how I feel, and besides, I'm with J, remember?"

"Of course I remember. Looks like you forgot!" she said. The words hit home hard. I knew she was right. I knew the best thing to do would be to avoid De Bastard completely. I knew I had to steel myself and do it.

But my heart was weak. It craved the attention. It craved the way other girls looked at me jealously as I walked around with De Bastard. It craved the way he would look at me from across the table and oh so casually brush his hand against mine as he passed me the menu, condiments, this and that.

When J called that night, and told me that he was thrilled to be flying home the next day, thrilled to be with me again, he sensed something was wrong. "Kucing, what's the matter? You sound depressed," he said.

"Nothing's wrong. I just miss you, that's all."

"Don't worry, sayang. Just a few more hours and we'll see each other again. Are you picking me up from the airport?"

"Of course!"

"OK. Well, get a good night's sleep. I'll be dreaming of us tonight," he said.

"Me too," I said, but to my ears, the words lacked sincerity. J didn't notice however. After he hung up, I lay awake for ages, my mind whirling. I loved J, I was sure of that. But, God forbid, had I fallen for De Bastard? Craving attention was one thing, falling for another man was totally different. And unacceptable.

That night, I dreamt of De Bastard. We were walking in a park, holding hands. It was a beautiful day, and I was happier than I'd been for a long time. Then a snake dropped out from a tree and coiled itself around me. I screamed and screamed but no sound came out of my mouth. De Bastard stood there laughing at me. I finally freed myself and ran out of the park, totally distressed. I couldn't remember any more of the dream when I woke up.

I turned on the radio and Gersang's Suratan Takdir was playing. How appropriate, I thought, as I heard the lyrics. "Tak terlintas di hati ini, untuk aku jatuh cinta lagi, tapi takdir yang menentukan...." "Tidak dapat ku terima, dua cinta di dalam hati, maafkanlah aku sayang..."*

De Bastard SMS-ed me a few minutes later. My heart leapt as I read it. "Good morning, rise and shine, I was just thinking of you. Wanna grab breakfast?"

Lousy good-for-nothing bastard, I thought grimly. I've already mentioned to you about 5 times that J comes home today and I have to get to the airport. "Going to airport to pick up J," I replied.

"Oh ya I forgot. Send him my regards ;)" he SMS-ed back.

I didn't bother replying. Instead, I got ready and drove to the airport. I had to stop my mind from thinking about De Bastard and focus on J completely. When I saw J pushing his trolley towards me, I was genuinely happy. Big smile on my face, big grin on his. Happy hugs followed by more smiles as we walked to the car. On the drive to J's home, my phone beeped. Another SMS.

J looked at my phone. "An SMS for you," he said, then proceeded to open and read the message - before De Bastard came into my life, we had nothing to hide from each other and freely allowed the other to read our SMSes. "Who's De Bastard? He wants to know whether I've arrived," J asked.

"Oh, he's just a friend," I replied casually. "I told him all about you."

"I see. Wow, so many messages from him," he said as he scrolled through the inbox.

"Ya, he has no life and he bugs both M and me all the while," I said, hoping he wouldn't read this morning's SMS.

J was quiet for a while. He was still reading, then he looked at me.

"I see you also sent him a lot of SMSes, huh," he said teasingly. My voice caught in my throat. I had no ready reply, so I just smiled.

"Anyway sayang, I got you a present. I'll show it to you later," he said. I was grateful for the change in subject, I didn't think I would be able to hide much if J had probed any further.

The final part is still in progress, I hope to be able to complete it over the weekend. I've shortened the story a lot so that it won't turn out to be a novel ... plus I know you guys are impatient to know the end.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a short Meow.

* Loosely translated:
It never crossed my mind that I would fall in love again, but fate decides...
I can't accept two loves in my heart, forgive me, my love ...


  • Gosh, its a sucky situation.

    But i've been there too, so i really know you feel.

    You know what? -- don't be sad or regret these sort of errors. We all make them, and its part of learning about ourselves, improving our lot for the future.

    Aizuddin Danian

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 18, 2005 12:30 PM  

  • wah...u really kucing gatal eh..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 18, 2005 12:43 PM  

  • Actually, I don't see it as gatal. I think its rather normal human behaviour. We live and we learn!!

    By Blogger ksp13, at August 18, 2005 12:48 PM  

  • your story reminded me of what happened between me and my ex. espescially the airport bit. only in my case, it was an email not sms. caught her red-handed!

    By Anonymous Aku, at August 18, 2005 1:46 PM  

  • hmmm hard situation u r in i guess..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 18, 2005 2:26 PM  

  • the direction of the eyes so misleading,
    the defection of the soul nauseously quick

    By Anonymous i4neye, at August 18, 2005 3:40 PM  

  • Kesukaran melafazkan
    Pengucapan perpisahan
    Kepada yang tercinta

    Tapi terpaksa ku lakukan
    Keranaku tidak mahu
    Terus berpura-pura

    Now I'm wondering if the full song actually happened. If it did, you must have been really upset. Not to mention the pain that J must have been feeling. I'm sure his heart skipped a beat (maybe several) when he read through your correspondence with DB.

    I guess what's important that we all learn from the outcome. So that we will never repeat (or let it happen to us) again in the future. Broken hearts are not easy to heal...

    Anyway I like the song Kau Ilhamku better...

    By Blogger IRIZ, at August 18, 2005 3:44 PM  

  • omg KG...very the suspense lar. u might be able to make a few $$ out of this short story u know? n it is indeed a sucky situation. :(

    By Blogger mistyeiz, at August 18, 2005 3:57 PM  

  • My heart was pounding furiously as I read this... as in, filled with suspense, you know?

    What happened after this, I'd really like to know. Don't leave us hanging again, Kucing!

    PS: I enjoy reading your writings, so take your time ^_^

    By Blogger xaph, at August 18, 2005 5:57 PM  

  • Aizuddin: This happened a long time ago, and I've learned from it. Sorry to hear you've been in the same situation...

    Curlylocks: You're right, it IS human nature, but it still consumes me with guilt sometimes.

    Aku: Sorry to hear that. I've caught guys cheating on me too. In this case, nothing physical had taken place (yet), but I was still so guilty that I had emotional attachments to DB.

    I4neye: Indeed.

    Iriz: I love Kau Ilhamku too :)

    Mistyeiz: Thanks for your confidence in me :) This story I shall share with the world for free ;)

    Xaph: My heart went gedebuk gedebak when J started reading the SMSes ... thumping so loudly I thought he could hear.

    There's only one part left to the story - I will condense it to finish it faster. Got lots of stories to tell, and I'll eventually blog about them all. Glad you like my writing!

    By Blogger Kucing Gatal, at August 18, 2005 6:50 PM  

  • jeez i would really hate myself if i were you, but yeah, ive met some of those so-called `bastards` in my life (but not as extreme as your case tho) and i have to say, it was very the hard not to fall for their charm..

    ..anyway kucing, please and pleeeeassse end this story soon, i really cant wait to know the ending..*anxious*

    By Anonymous najwa ab patah, at August 18, 2005 11:05 PM  

  • Looks like De Bastard is the gatal one.

    But what a crappy situation to be in =(

    I'm addicted to your writing. Quick, quick, ending ending!

    By Blogger priya, at August 19, 2005 12:58 AM  

  • I wanted to ask for more episodes, but the comments suggests more stories. I can live with that :)

    By Anonymous BawangMerah, at August 19, 2005 1:35 AM  

  • this story of yours is just so interesting to read! keep it up kucing!

    By Anonymous pistola, at August 19, 2005 5:46 AM  

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