Love Hurts

This cat's in a sticky situation.

For the past couple of months, I've gotten to know a certain someone rather well. A man who's intelligent, articulate, funny, gentlemanly and most of all, sweet. So sweet you want to eat him.

The new guy at work - such a cliche, isn't it?

At first I didn't even notice his existence. It was only after several encounters in the lift, with him holding the door open for me, making small talk, getting off at the same floor, that I realised he worked in the same company (can you tell I'm not super observant?)

Anyway this blur Kucing finally found out who he was. Same company, different department. Only his second job - he quit the first one after 5 years of thankless work at a well-known multinational in KL. Young, bright, the kind who'll climb the corporate ladder pretty fast.

Encounters in the lift quickly escalated to short tea breaks, then long lunches. We have this connection that I can't explain. We both love the same things, think of the same thing at the same time, sometimes finish each other's sentences, and most importantly, can sit together in companionable silence.

This guy is everything I want in a man.

I found out last week he's married. This time I can't blame my lack of observation. He doesn't wear a ring, and not once has he mentioned his wife. I found out through someone else, and then later when I asked him, he was quite happy to talk about his marriage. Seems it's a happy one.

I don't know what his reasons are for not mentioning it earlier. But I'm stuck because I've truly fallen for him - and it goes against my strongest principle: Don't go for taken men.

I can't stop thinking about him, and it's driving me crazy. Just last night I dreamt that we were on a company trip, and after dinner, he stayed back to talk to me while everyone else headed for their own rooms. We had a long conversation, then he wrapped his arms around me and we had the sweetest kiss ever. I woke up feeling hollow, feeling angry at myself, yet still imagining the warmth of his embrace.

I know the best thing would be to forget him, just treat him as a friend, nothing more. But when you've been searching your whole life for a certain someone, and thought you'd found him, how do you forget him? How can you see him almost every day and not show your true feelings? How do you move on?

I am in love - and all I can feel is heartbreak.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anguished Meow.