Kucing Gatal Speaks

Thursday, September 29, 2005


No updates until next weekend, I've got to go away for a while.

I owe Plink a post, since s/he's the winner of the Wordy Gurdy competition. An I.O.U will have to suffice for now.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a gone-on-a-hiatus Meow.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Coming from behind

My friend, the same one who shaved down there to heat things up with her man, called me up earlier today to share some news.

"Kucing!! I have finally done it!" she squealed.

"Done what?"

"You know... what I mentioned to you last time, what me and L have wanted to do for some time but I was too scared to," she said.

"Ha? Anal, you mean?" I asked.

"Ya!!! I tell you Kucing, sakit gila!" she said.

I winced from imagined pain. "So, did you enjoy it?" I asked.

"Not really, it hurt a lot but L seemed to really enjoy it."

"So... it will be a regular thing?"

"Maybe, I don't know. If the pain lessens, as it should do with practice and time," she said. I could hear the naughty smile in her voice.

"Anyway," she continued, "L was so turned on that we did it three times last night, once anal and then twice the normal way."

"Hmm, what gave you the courage to do it?"

"Err... we were watching some porn as usual and this time it was all about backdoor entry. I thought it was about time to experiment," she explained. "But we didn't do it right away ... plus I had some ... err... help," she said sheepishly.

"You mean ... drugs??" I practically shouted. She knew I was totally anti-drugs.

"No lah Kucing! Just some alcohol," she said.

"Ah... so you were drunk?"

"Kind of. But it didn't lessen the pain, it just gave me the courage to go ahead with it," she said.

"Was L drunk as well?"

"No. He said he wanted to be sober for the experience. He was so sweet, he even stayed the night and made me breakfast," she said, sighing.

"Good man. And I respect him for waiting for your go-ahead instead of forcing you to do something you didn't want to. He didn't force you, did he?" I asked, seeking confirmation.

"No, it was my idea. He's really good, Kucing. You know, he was so scared he'd injured me badly when I screamed that he immediately stopped, withdrew and held me, making soothing noises for about 20 minutes, even though I was still so turned on and waiting to go," she laughed.

We chatted for another 5 minutes, with her sharing even more intimate details. I won't go into the specifics except to say that she experienced both pleasure and pain at the same time.

I wonder what fascinates straight couples about anal sex. Me, I've personally never tried it, because I know it's going to be really painful and as I've said a couple of times before, Kucing Gatal is an enemy of pain. Plus there's enough pleasure to be derived from the normal positions ;)

How many of you out there have tried it? What was your experience like? And for those who haven't, are you curious and intend to experiment some day?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a Meow from behind.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

And the winner of the Wordy Gurdy Competition is ....

Plink, with this entry:
The cat was out of the bag. For six weeks, her nerves had been rubbed raw. Incessant calls from the press only made things worse. Her hands shook badly. The jagged remains of a wine glass bit into one. The other hovered ineffectually; it would not put her telephone down. She turned to leave, to go anywhere but her feet felt like clay. Her mouth suddenly felt dry.‘Kucing,’ she turned to her partner. ‘They know about us.’

Well done Plink, a marvellously written short story. Others who came close were S-Kay and Kaki Cucuk Langit, and it was tough choosing the champion.

I really enjoyed everyone's efforts and I'm not just paying lip service here, I am genuinely impressed. Good job, guys! I shall run another Wordy Gurdy contest in the near future ...

Plink, I will dedicate a post to you soon - to help me along, please provide the following details:

What you dislike
The name of your favourite school teacher
Favourite pastime
Favourite colour
What type of car you drive (or preferred public transport if you don't drive)
Your age

I'm so exhausted and it's only mid-week... work's piled up and no holiday in sight, resulting in one stressed out Kucing. Anyone got a quick free anti-stress cure?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a tired Meow.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Kucing Gatal's Guide to Kiasuism

The kiasu culture has taken firm hold in KL and looks set to stay. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, I say. So here is my Guide to Kiasuism, designed to help you hone your kiasu skills and, who knows, maybe even become the most kiasu person in Malaysia - Champion Kiasu!

After buying your ticket, rush down the escalator as fast as possible and plant yourself directly on the yellow line on the platform. When the train arrives, inch forward, holding your elbows out to create more personal space around you. When the doors open, do not allow anyone to disembark before you get on. Push forward as hard as you can (if the train is full) and look for a seat. If you can't find one, head for the nearest pole and lean on it so no one else can hold on to it. If you manage to get a seat, close your eyes and pretend to sleep if you see some elderly/disabled people getting on board, so you don't have to give it up.

National level events
Attend all free public events held at the national level - e.g. Merdeka Day carnival. Come prepared with empty tupperwares. Stand as close to the food table as possible. When the food is served, fill up your plate with as much as you can. Don't worry about the line of people behind you, it's their fault for being so slow. Never mind if you can't finish the food, it's free what. Bring out your tupperwares and fill those up too. Eat as fast as you can, then head on to the dessert table and gorge on the delicacies. Make sure you don't leave even an inch of empty space in your tupperwares.

Scour the newspapers from cover to cover for bargains and promotions. Buy only products that give you free gifts. If there is a limit on the amount you can buy (eg. two toilet roll packs per person), bring your whole family along so they can buy on your behalf. Bring your neighbours too if your family is small. Listen to the radio for locations of Hitz FM and Mix FM cruisers. Stalk them regularly to get freebies. If they start recognising you, wear a disguise.

Product promotions
Go to the mall every weekend. Look out for those promotion booths were you can get free samples or discount coupons. Harrass the salesgirls to give you more than the usual amount. If there is some show going on, push your way to the front row even if you don't know what the show is about. Enter every single contest you can find. Tired? Try out every massage chair available (walk into Osim, OTO, etc). Look interested when the salespeople try to sell you the chairs, then pretend to get a call on your mobile phone and walk out of the store, talking loudly. If you're hungry, go into supermarkets and try all the food samples available - free lunch or dinner for you.

Join every shopping loyalty program imaginable - Bonuslink, Jusco, Metrojaya, Isetan, etc, then wait for the catalogs to start arriving. Mark your calendars whenever there's a sale on specially for members and make sure you get up bright and early on that day. Aim to be the first to be standing outside the doors when the store opens. Rush in and start hunting for great bargains. Grab an armload of clothes and hog the dressing room for as long as you like - don't worry about the people waiting outside, again, it's their problem for being slow. Drag a friend into the dressing room and ask for his/her opinion for every outfit you try on, thus ensuring you are getting valuable advice when deciding to buy or not. Re-try the clothes several times until you're really happy, even if the queue outside gets longer. Make sure the clothes are of the highest quality - if a button is sewn on 2 degrees differently from the rest, discard that particular item and hunt for a perfect replacement. If you cannot find it, ask a salesgirl. If she says "No more stock", put on a ferocious frown, complain loudly then stalk away.

With shoes, don't be shy to ask the salesperson for several pairs at once. Even if it's really crowded and customers are waiting to be served, make sure you get all his/her attention until you get the pair you want. Once you lose your salesperson, you'll have to wait till he/she is free again - and if there are other kiasus like you, this could be a long wait. So you have to be the superior kiasu in this case and don't let him/her even think of serving others.

Jumping queue
Stuck in a long line and have no time to wait for your turn? Just cut queue. This works best when you're in an area where the queue isn't well defined. Most Malaysians will not tell you off since we're all brought up to be tolerant and kind (read: timid), at the most you'll hear some tsks and see some head shaking and some frowns. If you're unlucky, someone will shout loudly and tell you to get back in line. In this case, pretend you're deaf or smile politely at everyone, say "Sorry ah, my car is double parked and I don't want to get saman." In most cases you will get away with it. You must be very thick skinned to get away with this. If you are the type to blush easily, do not try this.

If you managed to get away with this kiasu behaviour, remember to smile at everyone as you leave after conducting your business. Do not gloat publicly at your little triumph and sneer at those still patiently waiting their turn, or you'll get some bad karma with all the hatred directed at you.

There are so many more ways to sharpen your kiasu skills but these are the most important (and also the only ones I can think of for now). There may be a part 2 to this when I get around to it ....

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a kiasufied Meow.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Wordy Gurdy Competition

As I'm really busy this week, I don't have time to write a long, insightful post, although I do have quite a few ideas bouncing around in my head.

So for now, I'm launching another competition. A wordy gurdy competition.

Here are five random words: jagged, six, clay, telephone, cat. You must form a short story with these five words, and it must make sense (so a paragraph saying the jagged cat made six clay telephones will be disqualified). And the story must be no longer than 80 words.

The most creative story will win ... and the prize is ... an entire post dedicated to the winner! Marvellous, isn't it?

A few rules:
(1) All entries must be in English.
(2) Stories must be no longer than 80 words.
(3) Stories must make sense.
(4) No obscene scenarios allowed (eg. the cat screwed the clay telephone).
(5) Each person allowed to enter only once.
(6) No anonymous contributions allowed.
(7) Closing date for entries is Friday, September 16, 2005. Judging will take place over the weekend and the results will be posted early next week.

Time to get your creative juices flowing! Post your story in the comments box.

Pretty tough this time, eh? ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a storytelling Meow.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

It's all about Balls

Men love balls. That's a fact. Put a ball in front of a man and he'll start kicking it, batting it, tapping it, dribbling it, anything just to get the ball moving.

Men also love watching other men playing with balls. Football, tennis, golf, cricket, as long as there are balls, men will watch it. Probably the only ball-less sport commanding equal attention is athletics. So now you know why events like swimming and gymnastics are not the real crowd pullers at the Olympics and other major games. Introduce a ball in those events and I bet you men will go crazy and snap up tickets in no time.

Whenever there's an EPL match on telly, the mamaks rejoice. They are guaranteed good business if they have a TV tuned in to the match. You'll see rows and rows of boys and men all facing one direction, as if they're worshipping the tv. All eyes glued to the tv, quietly watching until a goal is scored or nearly scored, and then a sudden roar as fans cheer or groan.

These guys have utter devotion for the game. If only they could show a fraction of that devotion to things that really matter, like shopping with their girlfriends/wives, or doing household chores. While they can watch a match in rapt attention for hours, they can't do the same when listening to their partners. They tune out after 5 minutes or so. Their shopping threshold is about an hour or so, after which they will start complaining about how their feet are aching and how they need to rest and get a drink. But they are willing to stand for hours and watch a football match live, if need be.

I wonder what would happen if a Taliban-style government is elected in Malaysia and television/football is banned, and the only 'sport' allowed is congkak. I think the mamaks would stage a revolt...

I think congkak should become an Olympic sport - it has balls after all (marbles are miniature balls what! And yes, I am on a mission to promote congkak at the world level - I'm calling it The Great Congkak Campaign). Malaysia would then be assured of a gold medal, at least until other nations learn to play the game ... and then we'll be trounced, just like what's happening with sepak takraw and badminton.

Can anyone tell me why men are so fascinated with balls?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a ball-loving Meow.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Embarrassing moments

I've been embarrassed so many times in my life I've lost count. The time I realised the top buttons of my blouse had popped open and my bra was happily viewing the world, while the world was happily viewing my bra and trying to peek beyond it.

The time(s) I fell down in public. The time I was dressed casually for a party and everyone else was dressed to kill. The time I greeted someone familiarly only to find it was a case of mistaken identity.

The time I tried to look cool driving my car and it stalled. The time(s) I opened my mouth and said something remarkably stupid or insensitive. The time I professed my love to a guy only to have him reject me.

As I get older, I'm less easily embarrassed. I have started worrying less about people's perception of me and I no longer wonder if they're all secretly laughing at me. I'm more confident in crowds and even if I say something stupid, I won't cringe for days afterwards the way I used to. It must be the maturity and wisdom that comes with age. I know that there are far bigger problems to worry about and so, little issues like having an entire conversation with someone and later realising that I had a speck of food caught between my teeth will embarrass me for probably 5 seconds, then I've moved on with a shrug.

Inevitably there will be many more embarrassing moments in the future, but I am secure in the knowledge that I'll be able to deal with them much better. Sometimes when I have nothing better to do, I travel back in time and remember major embarrassing incidents, and they make me laugh. Back then I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but now they make entertaining stories.

I'd like to hear about embarrassing incidents that have happened to you. Somehow, hearing about other people's follies makes one feel better. So go ahead, share your stories, and spread some cheer ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a confident Meow.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

The Pharmacy Incident

Recently I walked into a pharmacy for feminine hygiene products. Oh all right, no need to skirt around a delicate issue. I bought some pads. Come on boys, say it out loud - PADS. They're a girl's best friend once a month, well at least the ultra thin types with wings. Or tampons if you prefer. I personally don't use tampons, I'm quite satisfied with pads and don't have to worry that something will get stuck up there contaminating my insides with my own blood. I know, quite kolot thinking ;)

So anyway, I saw that my favourite brand was on offer so I bought more than I usually do. It was quiet in the pharmacy, I was the only customer there and as I approached the counter, I saw that the lone cashier was a young guy. "Great," I thought. "Another young, easily embarrassed male who will probably cringe at the sight of all these packs and pick them up as if they're about to explode." I have come across many of these shy young boys who glance awkwardly at me when I place the products on the counter, wishing they were somewhere else at that very moment. I don't blame them. There's just something about these products that turn even the most macho man into a mouse.

I remember being sick one time, and asking my then-boyfriend to run down to the store and buy me some emergency supplies, and he flatly refused. "Anything else, Kucing, and I'll gladly do it ... but I'm not buying THAT," he said apologetically. So I had to drag my sick self out the door amd drive to the nearest shop, sniffling all the way and believing I was going to collapse from exhaustion, just to buy a small pack of pads. From then on I always made sure I have extra supplies just in case.

Anyway, back to the pharmacy. I had nothing else to buy so I just carried the three packs and dumped them on the counter, looking the guy in the eye. He looked down, then looked at me. I thought he would just smile shyly and ring up the purchase. I was wrong.

"Ooi, banyaknya," he grinned at me.

Hmm, not what I had expected. I decided to test his threshold for embarrassment.

"Ya lah, banyak darah," I grinned back, expecting his smile to disappear.

No such thing.

"Ya ke? Kesian ... sakit ke?" he asked, still grinning.

Damn it. Not only was this guy not embarrassed, he looked like he was enjoying the banter!

"Sikit-sikit adalah," I told him, wishing he would just shut up and complete the sale.

"Yang ni bagus ke?" he asked suddenly, holding up one of the packs.

HUH? What kind of a question is that coming from a guy?

"Boleh tahan lah, but sometimes it doesn't really give me that dry feeling," I said, switching to English and hoping the questions would stop.

"Oh. My girlfriend pakai tampon, dia kata selesa, tapi I tak tau lah betul ke tak. Kalau I, I guna yang ni. I tak nak sumbat tampon sini sana," he said. "You tak guna tampon ke?"

OK, enough was enough. This guy had turned the tables on me, and now I just wanted to get out of the store as fast as I could.

"Tak. Eh, cepat sikit dik, suami I tunggu kat luar," I lied, hoping he would just leave me alone.

He stared pointedly at my hand, the fingers devoid of any rings. Shit, he probably knew I was lying. But mercifully, he kept his mouth shut after that and scanned the packs. I paid and left hastily.

"Excuse me," he called after me. Dammit, what did he want now? I turned around, frowning, only to see him holding up the plastic bag. In my haste I had completely forgotten to take it with me.

I had to slink back into the store, get the plastic bag from him, mumble "Thanks" and slink out again. All the while he was still grinning at me.

Cis, bedebah betul! Jantan tak tau malu...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a padded Meow.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The tides of change

Then: Ali, Ah Kow, Muthu
Now: Adam, James, Steven

Then: Bata, Pallas, Bubble Gummers
Now: Vincci, Hush Puppies, Jimmy Choos

Then: Ais kacang, aiskrim potong, ice balls
Now: Cornetto, Haagen Daz, Baskin Robbins

Then: Warung ABC, Medan Selera, Gerai bawah pokok
Now: Starbucks, Gloria Jeans, Dome

Then: Kiki Lala, Kitikat, Anakku
Now: Baby Guess, Bebe's Home, Cape Cod

Then: Lee, Applemints, Ladylike
Now: Levis, Dockers, MNG

Then: Hopscotch, 5 stones, congkak
Now: Playstation, X-Box, Gameboy

Ah... such a simple life we led back then. Less choices, less materialism, less desire to keep up with the Joneses.

Malaysia, how you have changed ....

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a nostalgic Meow.