Catching his attention the wrong way

I was walking along minding my own business this afternoon when I spotted this somewhat cute guy parked next to my car. So I fished out my sunglasses, put them on to have a surreptitious look at him and checked him out. What a butt!

To top it off, he looked my way and I was sure that I caught a glimmer of a smile. I was just about to bestow him with a super sexy Kucing smile, when that thing that sometimes happens when I am trying to look cool in front of a cute guy happened.

I tripped.

It wasn't graceful. It was the type where your heel gets caught on something and the momentum causes you to stumble forward heavily and you try to correct yourself but overdo it and end up looking like a flailing octopus.

Totally embarrassed, I was glad I had the sunglasses on, at least it hid part of my face although I was sure the rest of it was beet red. I didn't dare look at Mr Cutie as I was sure he was laughing his cute ass off.

I reached my car and pressed the remote to unlock it.

Nothing.

*press*

Nothing.

*press press press!*

Nothing.

Damn it! Of all times for the stupid battery to die. I tried slamming it on my palm a couple of times but it didn't work.

So I had to kneel and bang the damn thing on the road a couple of times.

*press*

*teet teet* Thankfully it worked.

Now my face was red AND hot. So much for trying to look sexy and cool.

I got in the car and started the engine. Since I am somewhat thick-skinned, I stole a glance at the cutie to see if he was still looking my way.

He was. And he was smirking.

Hmph. I decided to salvage whatever was left of my dignity.

The plan was to reverse the car out smoothly and then shoot off down the road, leaving him staring open-mouthed at my superior driving skills.

I put the car in reverse and inched out.

*HONK! HONK!!!!!!*

I nearly had a heart attack, some impatient driver couldn't wait for me to reverse out and decided to let the whole neighbourhood know. OK, never mind, maybe the driver had to rush to the toilet because he had severe diarrhea. Always give these kind of people the benefit of the doubt, if only to stop yourself from boiling over and reacting angrily and giving in to road rage.

I checked behind me more carefully and reversed safely, then drove off smoothly as planned.

As I looked in the rearview mirror smugly, I saw Mr Cutie had already lost interest and was crossing the road.

Then I ran over an empty juice box someone had thoughtfully laid out on the road to ambush unsuspecting drivers like yours truly, and there was a loud POP like a mini explosion. I don't know if Mr Cutie ever turned back to look, because I just shot off out of there.

*sigh*

It just wasn't my day.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a mortified Meow.

The male species

"Kucing," someone recently asked me, "Are you anti-male?"

"Of course not, what gave you that idea?" I asked.

"Just some of the things you write ... seems you have reason to hate men."

"Well I may dislike a few because of personal reasons, but that doesn't mean I hate all of them," I said.

"Ah."

Although many males may deserve the brickbats hurled at them by angry women, there are good men out there. They are getting harder and harder to find, but I do believe that some jantans are generally OK. Many women insist that "all men are bastards" - and this view is reinforced again and again through news reports and personal accounts - but on occasion, you hear about the man who never forgets his wife's birthday, is kind and thoughtful, does all the housework and pampers his wife, and your faith in mankind is somewhat restored.

Then you read a newspaper and hear about rapists and kidnappers and robbers and your opinion of men plummets again.

But really, I know that there are good, decent, husband-material men still available. I just don't know where, exactly.

I'd like to put on record that I am not a man-hater. I may sometimes get angry with them and generalise about how evil all men are, but hey, who doesn't? Men have a way of driving you insane, but then again, it works the other way around too. It's just the different ways men and women think which causes the friction.

I'd like to turn this into a feel-good post, so ladies (and men), if you know of a nice, decent fellow worthy of a mention, do leave a comment telling us all about him. Whether it's your brother, your lover, your ex-husband, your son, or your neighbour's aunty's plumber, let everyone who reads this blog, especially the single women on the prowl, know that there is hope after all ;) Prove once and for all that Malaysia has its share of good men!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a not-all-men-are-useless Meow.

Pregnancy jitters

I read agony aunt columns whenever I come across them as I am curious to see what problems people are facing. There's one that keeps popping up every now and then - some young girl who fears she's pregnant due to unprotected sex.

Although many people will scoff at the girl's plight and say serves you right for having sex in the first place (in most cases the girl is unmarried or having an affair), I sometimes sympathise with them.

Because I once went through that same fear.

I had a one-week stand, which I usually don't do - I'm not really in favour of "hit-and-runs" - but I made an exception in this case. I'd known him for some time but the relationship turned sexual only after a few months. In fact, I use the term sexual loosely because really, there wasn't much sex at all.

He wined and dined me, and then tried to get me to go to bed with him. Initially I refused to go all the way because something in the back of my mind (with hindsight it was probably just plain old common sense) told me to be careful. But he kept persisting and eventually we ended up in bed. I had not planned to go all the way (especially since there were no condoms available) but this guy was smooth and before I knew it, it had happened. He was inside and I shrieked and kicked him off. He did not get in a huff and leave, as I had thought he would. Unexpectedly, he actually apologised and held me till we both fell asleep. I thought maybe it was an accident and he really was a decent fellow. Unfortunately this was a true blue jantan.

The next morning he showered and left. After that communication was sporadic at best. He would call whenever he was horny and wanted some company. We met up a couple more times but I never let it get that far again. And after a week I said enough was enough and brought the relationship back to the platonic level. We still talk occasionally but never bring up the "incident".

Anyway, my period, which was due a couple of weeks later, was late. I am very regular so this concerned me. Three days, five, then 10 passed without any sign of that monthly occurrence. I started to get worried and tried to remember if the guy had actually ejaculated. It hadn't seemed like it at that time, but then again, from reading all those agony aunt columns, I've learned that even the smallest amount can get you pregnant if the timing is right.

I started cursing him mentally. It hit me all of a sudden - if I was pregnant, how was I going to explain it to the world? Would the guy take responsibility? What if I had to go through it all alone? I was filled with all these thoughts and worries.

I scolded myself over and over again for being so careless. I confided in a close friend of mine who also scolded me over and over again. "Bodoh!" she kept repeating. After venting, she calmed down and we went to a pharmacy to buy a pregnancy kit. I bought the most expensive one I could find, needing to be absolutely sure that the results were correct. If it was positive, I would probably have a nervous breakdown, then find a good gynae. I hadn't decided anything beyond that.

I took the test and waited.

And prayed.

It turned out negative and I was so relieved that I actually cried. My period came 2 hours later, confirming my non-pregnant state.

And so now when I read about similar cases in the agony aunt columns, I can sympathise. However, I must say here that I do not condone sex with or between minors, so adik-adik, if you are below the age of 18 (in fact I'd say 21 to be on the safe side), do not engage in such behaviour. You're not ready to deal with the consequences!

And for the rest, please use a condom if you don't want accidents!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a relieved Meow.

Survey: Which race is best in bed?

This kucing is conducting a fun survey on sexual prowess to reinforce/dispel racial stereotypes and you're all invited to participate.

Basically all you have to do is leave a comment telling me who you've had the most sexual fun with according to their race/nationality, i.e. Malay, Chinese, Indian, French, German, American, British, Australian, Canadian, African, Japanese, etc. If you've got a few memorable occasions with different races, rank them - the more the merrier!

A lot of men are of the opinion that Malay girls are great in bed as they're willing to experiment, while some swear by Indian chicks, and others say Chinese women will do anything you want as long as you reward them with material goods. I want to know how far this is true. Women, what's your point of view? Which kind of man is the best in bed?

Personal experiences welcome.

For me personally, I tend to gravitate towards Indian men. There's this one guy in my group of friends who has a really penetrating gaze and when he looks at me, I wish he would penetrate me literally. His gaze alone gets me wet especially when we're out in a group, and we're staring at each other from across the table. We've done some light petting but for some reason, some sort of unspoken agreement, we've never gone all the way. Maybe one day we will...

Another experience I had with another Indian man is also worth mentioning. This tall dark and handsome fellow (really!) had an office that he shared with a partner. One night we ended up there and one thing led to another. I was straddling him on his chair and we were getting it on. I was a bit uncomfortable because I kept imagining that his partner had a webcam installed somewhere, secretly capturing everything but this guy kept reassuring me. Anyway we then ended up on the carpeted floor and to cut a long story short, DNA testing can now implicate the both of us ;) It was a short-lived thing though, something we mutually agreed upon, as we had no interest in a long-term relationship with one another.

In cyberspace however, I find that American men are really good in turning you on. There was this one guy who had a sexy drawl, and combined with his remarkable way with words, it was an experience to remember. I've said before that cybersex doesn't do much for me but this guy was an exception, along with two other Americans who remained my Net sex partners for some time. Still, those days are long gone and I'm so much more into the real thing now.

But enough about me, I want to hear from you. So start working those fingers and share your opinion!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a stereotypical Meow.

Dummies Guide to Blog Wars

I've been observing the ongoing blog war with interest. Famous bloggers (and not-so-famous yet) have jumped into the fray and escalated the issue to a ridiculous level.

A calm, rational approach would have put the issue to rest, but instead, the bloggers resorted to name-calling, outright condemnation and childish taunts. I must admit I don't know when or how it all got started, but really, it seems to have spread like wildfire. After all, it's fun watching a fight, especially one that escalates into a free-for-all, and knowing Malaysians' penchant for gawking from the sidelines, the growing number of commentators and observers is only natural.

Obviously some tensions have been simmering under the surface for some time, and all that was needed was a tiny spark (an offhand remark for example) to bring it all out into the open. And now the lines are drawn and some bloggers appear to be sworn enemies. The next PPS bash should be interesting ...

In the blogging world, you are bound to step on some toes. Not everyone will agree with your views, but there's no need to get your hackles up over this - just agree to disagree. And you're bound to come across some blogs that you loathe instantly, but there's no need to keep reading it and posting nasty comments. After all, if you go into a restaurant and hate the food and the service, I doubt you'll keep returning and bitch about the food each and every time - you'd probably just avoid the place once and for all.

For those simple-minded folk, let me share my opinion in terms you can understand:

Waffor you all want to fight-fight one? No use, you know. One feller say something, you condemn, then he condemn balik, then you condemn balik. Then you all look like chewren in a playground only, or politicians in Parlimen on a bad day. No need to get stressed out, simply cut your life short only. Some more you don't know if the blogger is your mummy or your char kway teow seller - one day you find out, then malu only (or worse, your char kway teow kena poison or your mummy marries you off to some ah pek pimp for revenge). So no point fighting, ok?

However, for those who insist on being juveniles, here are some guidelines for starting a blog war.

(1) Surf the net for famous Malaysian/Singaporean blogs. If you want to get noticed, leave comments on popular blogs. Being a troll/flamer on an unknown blog is a waste of time.

(2) Pick a topic close to your heart. For example, if you're passionate about saving the environment, and a famous blogger writes about chopping down an old tree in his backyard, quickly post a comment condemning him, his wife/girlfriend, his family, his entire neighbourhood and the government for good measure. Make sure you make sweeping generalisations about how he is stupid and ignorant and likely to be the cause of an environmental disaster.

(3) Check back to see if he/she has responded to your comment. If he/she has, then fire back with another nasty comment. If he/she hasn't, leave a comment about how cowardly they are.

(4) Condemn him/her in your own blog and then ping PPS so that more people will be aware about it. The more readers you have, the more chances of finding people who are willing to join in the fight and take your side.

(5) If anyone dares to leave a negative comment on your blog, condemn them too. Go to their blog and start flaming them there too. If you can, moderate your comments and remove the negative ones. This will give the impression that all your readers love you and agree with you.

(6) Keep hounding the issue until journalists start taking notice and request an interview. Hey presto! You're now a famous blogger.

(7) Blog about how your comments were completely misunderstood and how you were only trying to save the world, and how the fellow chopping down the tree over-reacted and was irrational - this will spark off Blog War #2.

(8) Repeat until satisfied.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a peaceful Meow.

Erotic vibes

I was sick lately which meant I was in bed a lot, which in turn meant I was bored most of the time since I was alone. No man, no matter how horny, would want to get it on with a sniffly, red-nosed, teary, constantly-sneezing woman unless he was immune to all flu bugs and it was the only way he could get a shag. I know of no such man and even if I did, I wouldn't have the energy to get down and dirty while I'm feeling woozy and weak.

Anyway, I did have a couple of companions to while away the time when I was feeling better but not quite ready to leap up and face the world again. Mr TV and Ms Vibrator did a great job. Watching movies from your bed is nice; watching dirty movies and then turning on that buzzing little machine is even nicer.

While some guys have been unable to bring me to orgasm, Ms Vibrator has never let me down. Each and every single time without fail, it has done its duty effortlessly. Variable speeds are fantastic, you can basically control how fast you want to reach the big O. I personally like to start on fast, then slow it down to prolong the pleasure, and then speed it up again until I feel the build up and then it happens .... the spasms, the pleasure, the vaginal thrusts, the mighty orgasm. If I'm really horny, I'll repeat the process after a few minutes.

For the uninitiated, there are two types of vibrators - the external and the internal. I'm sure you can all imagine the difference between the two so I won't go into details. The one I have is the external one. I don't need an internal one because the external one does the job well enough, plus there's always fingers available, and if required, a willing penis or two (always just a phone call away). Also, the external one can be converted into a semi-internal one with the help of lubricants.

Then there's the issue of the G-spot. Personally, I don't know what the fuss is all about. Whether it's found or not, I'm able to pleasure myself to completion, and enjoy multiple orgasms. So the G-spot can carry on hiding as it pleases, I'm not really interested in finding it. There's this thing called the G-spot vibrator, but again, it will do me no extra favours. There's also the anal vibrator but rear play is not my thing.

I've tried introducing Ms Vibrator to my Pleasure Boys, but they usually squirm as it's ticklish for them. Besides, there are sex toys specifically designed for men that will do them far more good. However, some do enjoy watching me use Ms Vibrator on myself and I indulge them. It doesn't take long for them to get in on the action after that. So a win-win for all.

For those ladies who have never tried a vibrator, I suggest you do, especially if you have trouble reaching orgasm with your man. It can really add some spice to your sex life. And for those who don't have a man handy, it can relieve you during those moments of frustration ;)

If you don't know where to get a vibrator from, or are too shy to order from the internet or ask a friend who is holidaying overseas to get one for you, you can improvise - use a hand-held massager. It's not as good, but hey, it'll get the job done ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a vibrating Meow.

Festive greetings

A belated Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, everyone! Have a safe one :)

Go gorge yourselves on kuih-muih now, boys and girls.

And for those bitching about the term Deeparaya, go get a life ... and just so you know, religious zealots are unwelcome here.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a festive Meow.